It’s an unfortunate reality for many family members and friends of service members that they’ll lose their loved one in the line of duty. While it’s not common, it’s still a possibility and many people have to deal with this reality each year.

If you lost a loved one in the line of duty, you’re likely dealing with immense grief and complicated emotions. It’s important to remember you’re not alone and there are ways to deal with what you’re feeling. We’ve created this guide to help you better understand what you’re feeling and how you can start to work through your grief while still honoring the memory of your loved one.

Common Expressions or Symptoms of Grief

Everyone has their way of dealing with their grief, and just because someone isn’t showing any outward signs of mourning doesn’t mean they’re not dealing with loss. However, there are some reactions you might expect when you’re dealing with loss, which include:

●Physical reactions: Believe it or not, the body can react physically to grief, which can look like insomnia, nausea, headaches, dizziness, chest pain, and panic attacks.

●Emotional reactions: It’s very common to experience an emotional reaction to grief, which often presents in a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, shock, anxiety, numbness, and confusion.

●Behavioral reactions: You may experience changes in your behavior as you cope with loss, such as an inability to focus, sleep difficulties, uncontrollable crying, obsession over the loss, poor memory, and more.

●Spiritual reactions: Sudden loss sometimes causes people to question their faith or spirituality, which can include anger at a higher power, finding faith, losing faith, or becoming more philosophical.

The Five Stages of Grief and What to Expect

While people will have different ways of expressing their grief, most people will progress through the five stages of grief, though others won’t experience every stage or won’t experience them in order.

It’s also possible for someone to circle back to different stages during the grieving process. While your experience with the five stages may not be uniform, it can help to understand each stage so you can make better sense of your emotions as you deal with this loss.

1. Denial

The first stage is denial, and it’s very common for someone to react to the news of death with this feeling. They may seem to respond with apathy or continue with life as if nothing has changed as their body and minds process this information. Even if we can logically accept this news in our minds, it can be challenging to accept that a loved one isn’t coming back. If you’ve experienced loss, it can also be common to hear or see your loved one while you’re in this stage of grief.

2. Anger

Once your body and mind accept the fact that a loved one has passed away, it’s common to react with anger, especially if you believe that it’s unfair or cruel that someone you love was taken from you. While it may not seem to make sense, it can also be common to feel angry at the person who has died or angry at yourself for not doing enough before your loved one passed.

3. Bargaining

It’s normal to feel helpless after a person dies, but it can be challenging to cope with these feelings. You may try to make deals with a higher power or yourself, and you may act in a specific way to try and change how you’re feeling. You may also find yourself asking yourself “what if” questions and wondering if it would be different if you could go back in time and change something.

4. Depression

When most people think of grief, they think of intense feelings of sadness or depression, but it’s only the fourth stage of the grief process. You may feel waves of sadness or depression, even months or years in the future. You may have moments where your feelings become intense, which can make you feel like life has no meaning and could interfere with your day-to-day life without outside help.

5. Acceptance

The final stage of grief is acceptance. Over time, the pain will ease and you may feel like you can accept the loss of your loved one. Just because you’ve accepted it doesn’t mean you’ll get over it, but you can learn how to keep on living while honoring the memory of your loved one.

How to Deal With Loss After a Service Member Passes Away

Loss is a challenging thing to deal with for anyone and can present complex feelings if your loved one passes in the line of duty. If someone you love lost their life protecting our country, it’s important to take the necessary steps to properly grieve and move forward. Some tips for dealing with loss and grief in the military include:

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

As much as you may want to, you can’t avoid the feelings that come with grief. While you can try to distract yourself, you’ll eventually have to confront these feelings to truly heal and move on. Understand that your emotions will come and go and it’s normal to feel better one day and suddenly get hit with a wave of emotions the next.

You should also be patient with yourself. Don’t try to rush through the grief or get frustrated with what you’re feeling. It will take time and effort to deal with a major loss and life change, so give yourself the grace you deserve and allow yourself the time to heal.

2. Make Sure to Take Care of Yourself

Something that often gets left on the back burner when a person experiences grief is self-care. It can be easy to let yourself go or to fall into bad habits when you lose a loved one. Make sure to take some time to take care of yourself, which means getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising. Taking care of your health will make it a little easier to deal with your emotions and grief. While it won’t make these feelings disappear, it can help to relieve physical stress and tension.

3. Find a Military Support Group

While a regular support group can help, it can do even more good to connect with others who have experienced loss in the military. You can find these support groups on or near your local base or online. Social media can also help you connect to a larger group where you can ask questions or vent your feelings, and you’ll get to meet people who are going through the same thing you are. Talking about what you’re experiencing can make it easier to deal with your grief, and with time, you may be able to help others who join your groups.

4. Stay Busy

While you need to acknowledge your grief and give yourself time to feel what you need to, it’s also important not to let all your hobbies and other responsibilities fall by the wayside. Staying busy can also help you keep your mind off of particularly intense emotions until you find a healthy way to cope with these feelings. Try to participate in activities that align with your values and help you feel more positive or productive.

5. Avoid Making Major Decisions

When you’re in a vulnerable emotional state, it can be easy to make decisions that alter your life, and not always in the way you wanted. Before you make any big life decisions, give yourself time to process your emotions and deal with other things going on in your life. Once you get to a more stable place, you can start dealing with any big decisions you need to make.

6. Seek Professional Help When Needed

While support groups and self-care can go a long way in healing, they won’t always be enough. Some people will need to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor to talk through their grief and find ways to manage their feelings. You should consider seeking professional help if your grief is starting to get in the way of your life and ability to function.

You may also be able to find professional resources through the military, such as the Tragedy Assistance Program, which provides resources and care to those grieving the death of a service member or veteran. You can also reach out to the Military and Family Support Center at your base to talk to a military and family life counselor as needed.

MLC Offers Our Support to Grieving Loved Ones of Our Service Members

As a company that serves many service members and their families, we’re familiar with the grief and pain many go through when they lose a loved one in the line of duty. If you’re someone who has lost a loved one through their military service, we would like to extend our deepest condolences and sympathies. We hope you know this is not a battle you have to fight alone, and we hope that the information we’ve provided can help you during such a difficult time.